What did the flower say to his unrequited love? (could be for a friend you love) Im so glad your mum didnt swallow. Whats the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.What goes in hard and comes out close and wet?Chewing gum.A guy is sitting at the doctors office. 11. She was very a-peel-ing. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. It must have been a really bad one we work on a submarine.What do you get when you mix human DNA and goat DNA?You get kicked out of the petting zoo.How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant?He forgot to wrap his Whopper!Whats the difference between you and the refrigerator?The refrigerator doesnt moan when I put my meat in it.What do a boyfriend/girlfriend and a math test have in common?Theyre both something we could cheat on.A husband says to his wife, Why dont you tell me when you orgasm?She replies, I dont like calling you when youre at work.I told my mom that I have an Oedipus complex.She asked if I was serious, and I said, Nah, Im just fucking with you.Did you hear Lorena Bobbit just died?Yeah I heard she was on the freeway and some dick cut her off.My bae told me that s/x is better on vacation.It wasnt the best postcard Ive ever received.How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?By the taste.My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, I shaved my pussy you know what that means?I said, Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again.. We are frequently advised not to take life too seriously. Vous pouvez modifier vos choix tout moment en cliquant sur le lien Tableau de bord sur la vie prive prsent sur nos sites et dans nos applications. He was so row-mantic. I mostly live in your pants and I am always in your mind, you cannot live without me. Q: What Valentine's Day candy is best to give a girl? Give it to me! Accompanied by his sister, he went to the store and bought the gloves. A guy will actually search for a golf ball!What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato?A dictator!What did the leper say to the sex worker?Keep the tip.Whats long and hard and full of semen?A submarine!How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?Call and tell her about it.Why did the squirrel swim on its back?To keep its nuts dry.What do you call a nurse with dirty knees?The Head nurseWhat is the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?Ones a Goodyear and ones a great year.I am made of either latex or rubber. ", Check out:175 Bad JokesJokes for KidsChristmas JokesHalloween Jokes101Corny Jokes. You can live inside my heart for free. Buy "funny chemistry valentine jokes (not joke)" by Nazou521 as a Essential T-Shirt. 50 Valentine's Day Jokes 1. Tweethearts. Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches broad, and drives ladies insane? Theyll dessert you. I hope you'll wear them Friday night for me." What am I?Their last name.Want to know a proven way a man and woman can be friends without s3x?Marriage. "Ouch! 19. I had her try yours on for me and they looked quite lovely." "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella. Planning to throw some dirty mind questions at your buddies during the party? And who knows? Dirty minded jokes are never meant to be decent; instead, they are always inappropriate yet funny. What did the whale say to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? Australia Its a date! What is it?A bubblegum. How do you get in trouble on Valentine's Day? Funny Comebacks to Say Which new Taylor Swift tune is the best couple's song for two ghosts to share? 17. Cupid called, he wants his arrow back. Amos who?A mosquito bit me!Knock, knock.Whos there? 33. Heres What We Found. 39 best Valentine's Day jokes, and funniest ideas for a card message Prepare to laugh. What am I?Tweets.What do newly married couples get on their wedding day thats long and sometimes hard?A new last name.Whats the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?The taste.I want to be inside you every day, and you can set me to vibrate for extra fun. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?Hold on to your nuts, this aint no ordinary blowjob.What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?One slip of the tongue, and youre in deep shit.Did you hear about the constipated accountant?He couldnt budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married?The wedding ring.Whats the difference between a prince and a booger?A prince is an heir to the throne. What do Disney World and V*agra have in common? $10.00 (30% off) More like this. Because youre Cu Te! Ill be the 6, you be the 9. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Im an archaeologist. Brain Teaser After all, life is nothing more than a huge, nasty joke. What happens if you fall in love with a French chef? As we become older, we find clean jokes less humorous as we have a lot more adult sense of humor: hence we prefer funny short adult jokes that cant make us stop laughing. Give me a hug and a hiss, honey. Your email address will not be published. Whether you write these in a card, text them, or whisper them into your partners ear, these jokes are bound to make your loved one blush. 4. How do chefs show their love? Mary who? Corny Valentine's Day pickup. Tear off your underwear. "You're purr-fect!". ", 50. Theyre silent but deadly.Weirdly, Ive been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. My ideal body weight is yours on top of mine. Cheeky jokes and poems for Valentine's Day From the outright dirty to the naughty - here are some jokes you can include in your cards to inject a bit of humour into your Valentine's. Pour en savoir plus sur la faon dont nous utilisons vos donnes personnelles, veuillez consulter notre politique relative la vie prive et notre politique en matire de cookies. 23. All Rights Reserved. They said it was a date. Tonight, you're going to need a safe word, and the safe word is "be mine." Cards. Every one of us has probably done something nasty at some point in our lives. A: HalfwayI didnt have sex at all, not a scrap til I was 67. Forget-me-nuts. "You're one in a melon! Lets skip the chocolate-covered strawberries. Your email address will not be published. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. But I refused. (The dad joke is a totally under-appreciated art form.) How do I want thee? We all need a major break in our lives either through casual funny jokes or some dirty minded jokes that may sound inappropriate but can lift up our mood during the tiresome phase. If youre easily offended these are not for you . Worry not, because Metro.co.uk has compiled a list of the rudest, tongue-in-cheek-est, blush-inducing jokes for Valentines Day. All of his friendships were so pla-tonic. Never laugh at your girlfriend's choices. Give it to me!" she yelled. What am I?Nose.Ive currently got a stalker. They listed the list of songs that you already knew were sexy, but are filthier than you realized. A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Whats Santas secret? 14. I was wondering why my feet got cold. You sick weirdo.One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, Please send me a sister. Santa Clause wrote him back, Ok, send me your mother.Whats the best help you can give to a constipating person?Well, scare the shit outta them.Why do walruses love a Tupperware party?Theyre always on the lookout for a tight seal.What did the left nut say to the right nut?Dont talk to the guy in the middle; hes a real dick!A husband says to his wife, I bet you cant tell me something that will make me happy and sad both at the same time.She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, Your p*nis is bigger than your brothers.How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?Once you open it, you realize its half-empty.What did the clitoris say to the vulva?Its all good in the hood!. Well, dont you get tense because we have got you covered with a bunch of dirty jokes to share with your friends and family. Celebration You always play with me in bed before you get to sleep. Pandemic The clerk carefully wrapped both items but in the process got them mixed up. Waiter: "Do you have reservations?". 16. If you were a Transformer, youd be Optimus Fine. Im wearing red lace for the holiday. Not every joke needs to be family-friendly or G-rated. How did one Bloody Mary share their strong feelings with another? This way, if we break up, I can use it again. Kelly Sillaste // Getty Images. Be my valentine, Because I am horny! ", Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. It is inappropriate to have sex in an elevator. How do you make a pool table laugh?Tickle its balls.An old woman walked into a dentists office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. Get over here and eat my heart-shaped box. I love you too but, what was that you said about Martin?". I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time; no doubt, other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again." Do you present the weather? My ideal body weight is yours on top of mine. Steamboats. Well, Im gonna show you tonight, over and over and over. Howie.Howie who?Howie gonna hide this affair from your husband? "But why?" Is it feasible to have a dirty and humorous joke at the same time? After all, some couples might prefer sex toys to stuffed bears. ", 43. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didnt know either.What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?She gagged.Whats a lesbians love language?Speaking in tongue.A dad tells his son Stop masturbating! You can donate blood to me anytime since youre just my type. A. funny and rude poems, quotes and messages for Valentine's Day ' It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom!' - Joan Rivers. Im surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!If theyre making cakes for divorces, why not Happy Menopause! Mmm, its a bit dry. Tonight, Im gonna put the V in your Valentine, if you know what Im sayin. His sister purchased a pair of panties at the same time. Valentines day is one big scam. Were closed. 13. He gave her a ring. This joke will make your. What is another word for a vaginal opening? Long-Distance Valentine's Day Planning Can Be Hard, but Here's How to Make It Work, 27 Fun and Sweet Quotes to Send Your Friends on Valentine's Day, Why Are Bots Liking Your Instagram Story? Shes particularly annoyed at my improper use of the colon.All day long its in and out. A hug and a quiche. A: To remind single people they are single. Dirty Valentine's Day Card, I can see you cumming in my hair tonight, Inappropriate Cards, Dirty Adult Gifts, For Husband, Him, Boyfriend. Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house.What the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?Ive never let a garbanzo bean on my chest.If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have?Three feet of my cock up your ass.Congratulations! That's one of the short adult jokes. Why not share these jokes at the end of the day when only the adults are left standing? Why do skunks love Valentines Day? I said, Well, Im pretty good, but I dont think Im ready to compete just yet.What do you do when a womans choking?Back up a few inches.What does a robot do after a one-night stand.Nuts and bolts.Ive never laughed a woman in to bed, but Ive laughed one out of bed many times.I am mostly six inches long. 12. Valentine's Day is about to become a religious holiday, because you're gonna be screaming, "Oh God!" all night. Whats the difference between kinky and perverted? 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side. Id like to find out the reason why Snow White, who is an iconic Disney character, was shut out of Disneyland. You look handsome, you look sweet,Lie down over there, and Ill take a seat. Why didn't the two dogs make serious Valentine's Day plans? What comes after 69?Mouthwash.Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. I can't wait for valentines day because I get to make cupcakes for a special someone and that special someone is me. It was just puppy love. 15. For stealing her heart. I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock. Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now. I personally am on the fence.What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?Thanks for coming!How does a woman scare a gynecologist?By becoming a ventriloquist. I choo-choo-choose you to stay in bed with me all day. Anyone with a great sense of humor will enjoy these jokes and Valentine's Day one-liners. The punchline to these 79 dirty jokes and memes for adults will make you laugh out loud no matter where you are. He found her to be very attractive. Have a look at the dirty jokes below and dont forget to share them in your circle. 21. Cards arent the only things that are going to be opening tonight. See more ideas about dirty valentine, valentine day cards, punny. Because youve got fine written all over you. "Gimme some sugar! How many other jokes can one make off 'Man walks into a bar?'? (Photo: Shutterstock) By Alex Nelson. "Whale you be mine?". How did the coin propose to his girlfriend? Im especially responsive when you put your fingers deep inside me. You may suddenly be thinking ol' Cupid was onto something. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Check out these dirty minded knock knock jokes that will keep everyone guessing. Si vous ne souhaitez pas que nos partenaires et nousmmes utilisions des cookies et vos donnes personnelles pour ces motifs supplmentaires, cliquez sur Refuser tout. Im about to eat you like a box of Valentines Day chocolates. Want to send a witty card or ask out your crush with a clever message? What's a cutesy love term that can also be orange and delicious? 45. Why did the magnet hit on the refrigerator? Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. After the dirty jokes treat together with your co-adults play thisSongs With Filthy Lyrics. Can you tell us about Peter Pans favorite place to eat out? I am more comfortable when wet and very unpleasant when dry. How did the orca ask the other to be their Valentine? However, we're here to pleasantly surprise you with these 50 hilarious Valentine's Day jokes! What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?I want you inside me.I bet you cant tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time, a husband says to his wife. Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. What am I?ArrowWhats the maximum speed limit during sex?68. In the spring. 9. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.What do you get when you jingle Santas balls?A white Christmas!Whats the difference between kinky and perverted? 1. What am I?TentWhats long and hard when its young and soft and small when its old?A candle.What is the difference between a womans G-spot and a quarter?Men actually have a chance of finding a quarter when they search for it. The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?". Guppy love. Browse 149 dirty valentines day jokes stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images.